Wednesday, February 21, 2018

2782. Randy rednecks

How can they not call 'em "assault"
While defending, "It ain't the gun's fault"?
Would I be wrong to say
Members of NRA
Prob'ly also look up to John Galt?

Monday, February 19, 2018

2781. Abe deserves his own

Today we mark "Presidents Day"
At home, not at work, most folks stay.
I don't know your thinkin'
But both George and Lincoln
Would get one if I had my way.
Here's an interesting article about Prez Day.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

2780. We've gone to the dogs

When our marital ashes need fannin'
I tell my wife, "You need some mannin'
So get on your knees
Raise your butt to the breeze
And be shot by my rear-mounted cannon."

Thursday, February 15, 2018

2779. Francis Drake also had a Golden Hind

A faggot named Fred had a smut knack,
He could come just by stroking his nut sack
Spring, winter, or summer
Would call in a plumber
Then beat off while viewing that butt crack.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

2778. Hot springs eternal

A German in old Baden Baden
Due to winter was feeling down-trodden.
To escape weather raw
Spent all day in the spa,
Which left him all shriveled and sodden.

Monday, February 12, 2018

PD345-347. Where's the drum corps?

There was a young fellow named Fyfe
Whose marriage was ruined for life,
For he had an aversion
To every perversion,
And only liked fucking his wife.

Well, one year the poor woman struck,
And she wept, and she cursed at her luck,
And said, "Where have you gotten us
With your monotonous
Fuck after fuck after fuck?

Then, perhaps, several years went by...

A despairing old landlord named Fyfe,
With a frigid and quarrelsome wife,
Let his third-story front,
To a willing young cunt,
Who supplied him a new lease on life!

Friday, February 9, 2018

2777. Well that's just ducky (not!)

L.L. Bean's changed its deal, oh my God!
No more free returns when you need shod.
But not just boots and shoes,
Everything!  For they lose
Too much money because of the fraud.
They'll still give free replacements but only for one year.  Read here.
Their famous Duck Boot.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

2776. Wynn will it end?

In Las Vegas, Steve Wynn took his licks,
He resigned yesterday, no more bricks.
It was no big surprise,
He's just one of the guys
Who think with the heads of their dicks.
Among properties he built are The Mirage, Treasure Island, Bellagio, and of course, Wynn.

Monday, February 5, 2018

2775. Evidently must plummet!

Stockholders thought Friday was bad
When the Dow dropped 650, a tad
If compared to today --
"Bears" were not held at bay
Down Eleven-seven-five, oh my gad!
Closed on 2/5 at 24,345.75, off 1,175.21 (4.60%)

Saturday, February 3, 2018

2774. What goes up...

Yesterday brought a slump in the Dow,
Down 650!  Most said, "Holy Cow!"
Readjustments bring pains
When you're used to huge gains
But correction was needed, and how!
Despite losing around 2½% of its value, the DJIA is still up over 18% in 2018.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

2773. No foreplay OR post play

A hoops-playing husband (a creep)
Woke his wife, said, "I need to go deep."
The sex was perfunctory;
After he'd spunked her he
Rolled off and went back to sleep.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

2772. Lies and Thralls

Tonight is the "State of the Union
Address."  Wonder who Trump's impugnin'?"
Prob'ly "Li'l Rocket Man,"
S**thole countries, Iran,
He's like somebody from Damon Runyan.
(OK.  YOU try rhyming 'union.')

Saturday, January 27, 2018

2770-2771. It happens ova and ova

After smoking a couple of doobs
A couple then joined up their pubes.
Shot his sperm with a boom,
They swam up thru her womb
On their way to fallopian tubes.

The girl wasn't taking the pill,
Six weeks later she woke feeling ill.
Yes, due to his dickin'
Each morning she'd sicken --
Will it be a Jack or a Jill?

Friday, January 26, 2018

2769. He couldn't mecca date

A guy smitten by an Arabian
Couldn't tell her 'cause he was too fabian
He settled for scheming
And naughtily dreaming
Of licking her body parts labian.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

2768. Perhaps it's improving

Television has changed its priorities,
Almost all shows now display minorities.
But when speaking of race
I don't think that's the case
At most colleges' frats and sororities.