Thursday, September 21, 2017

2655. A nursery (c)rime

Two horny shoe-fetish galoots
Decided to work in cahoots
They saved their best hugs
For women in Uggs™
'cause each really liked puss in boots.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

2654. Airport, here I come

While in San Juan with glass of sangria
Was told of oncoming Maria.
I settled my tab,
Had them call me a cab
And then told the bartender, "I'll see ya!"

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

2653. Can't stave off hunger

There's a fat flaming faggot named Farrell
Whose butt is as big as a barrel
If your wish is to sodomize
You'll find that his bottom lies
'neath 5 yards of très gay apparel.

Monday, September 18, 2017

2652. Stamp of disapproval

There once was a school girl named Natalie
With habit of being quite tattley.
She'd go tell the teacher
If you were a breacher
Of rules.  Later, took up philately.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

2651. Leaking like the Valdez

That damned Donald Trump put a hex on
My stock in the oil giant, Exxon,
When he chose (my sad fate)
Secretary of State.
Oh, why did he ever put Rex on?

On 2/1/17 -- the day Tillerson was appointed -- Exxon-Mobil fell from $83.89 to $82.94.   It had dropped to $76.10 by 8/30 but, due to the havoc of Hurricane Harvey, is rising and closed at $80.07 yesterday.

Friday, September 15, 2017

2650. Rube lube

In the throes of a summer cold, I
Found my wife's twat to be very dry.
Coughed up a big oyster
To moisten her cloister,
It then felt like blueberry pie!

Thursday, September 14, 2017

2649. Stem-ing the flow

The Sister's meatus was key
To insuring (mid-prayers) she'd not pee.
She chanted, "Qui tollis"
With one gladiolus
Stuck in it precariously.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

2648. Who watches this crap?

"Real Housewives" are always a'bitchin'
Grab remote and commence channel switchin'.
Jersey's, New York's, and Cal's
Are all back-stabbing gals
And you'll rarely see one in the kitchen.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

2647. How did he orient himself?*

The emperor known as Vespasian
Had a weakness for women Eurasian.
If their eyes had that slant
He'd confess, "I just can't
Help but fuck one on ev'ry occasion."

*Are their gashes vertical, horizontal, or at a 45º angle?

Monday, September 11, 2017

2646. Big Brother, 33 years later

The minions in Russia want mutiny,
They are mostly fed up with Vlad Putin, he
Was once KGB
And I'd say, probably,
That his spies still keep proles under scrutiny.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

2645. Maniacal in manacles

The pris'ner had been nowhere danker
Than the hold as the ship lay at anchor
To pass time, whipped his dong
All the day and night long
(Up until it developed a chancre.)

Saturday, September 9, 2017

2644. Cold as I.C.E.

The Donald says, "Overturn DACA!"
His heart and his brain are like caca.
He hasn't an ounce
Of concern; let ICE* pounce
And deport kids to, say, Cuernavaca.

* Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Friday, September 8, 2017

2643. Extra points for creativitiy

I do not think of sex as a chore
When my sports-fan wife comes thru the door,
Gets on rug, tugs off tights,
Raises legs like uprights
And exhorts me to, "Come on and score!"

Thursday, September 7, 2017

2642. Pitiful pecs

I should lay in the sun and get tan boobs
For as I have aged, I've grown man boobs.
I hate when I hear
That I need a manssière!
On guys, I think God oughtta ban boobs.

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

2641. Monday's AWAD

A brickmason called the hod porter back,
Saying, "Hey!  Would you please bring my mortar back?"
"No!," hod man said crabbily,
"You're working so shabbily
I must play Monday Morning Quarterback."

The final three words, which aren't anapæstic, were the 9/4 AWAD and were challenging.